The Theory

I'm feeling deeply inspired today.

Nothing feels certain; I feel upside down and tossed. What I've done to myself and I've allowed others. But this isn't about me it's a thing I have read and something that really makes sense to me

Two Authors I've recently come into contact with who have greatly influenced my writing and thought process.


Angelo Pellegrini was introduced to me last summer by a family friend. A man I had found on the site ancestry.com who happened to be a descendant from one of the families in my "1935 Mattie Picnic" photo

Anyways this book has changed my life immensely, yeah it did. I also was able to find the answer to other cousins in this book as Pellegrini had written on some family I had in the Seattle area the Patricellis.

"Americans by Choice"

The second Author which I was just made re aware of recently by a fellow Italian, is John Fante. I picked up il libro "Wait until Spring Bandini" this morning and I haven't been able to put it down. I'm such a loser I stayed in tonight in the comfort of this book. I have cried and giggled while reading this, similar experience to what "Americans by Choice" did to me. John Fante is what has inspired this post. Please be aware this is a extremely short version of something I hope to expand on later.


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The theory is this. In my experience this past changing year I have discovered many things. When I started to look for answers it became clear to me that I needed to go to the closest source .My bis nonni's are dead so the source was gone. My nonno is dead so this source was expired, and of his 9 siblings only one was alive. She is a woman who scares me. Extremely intimating, but I knew, and know that this generation ...her's would have my answers. I found old friends of my grandfathers and great Aunts, Uncles.. Ones that knew my great grandparents and something became very apparent in the pattern in the way they spoke of their heritage. It was the kind I grew up seeing in my grandfather.

1st generation denial= I had noticed in many of the first generation born American Italians I have met, many were ashamed. To hide this they joke"Wop" "Dego" my grandfather i would hear him on the phone echoing in and out of English and broken Italian with his friends. He never wanted to speak of the past, NEVER.I noticed this with others, they just wanted to be accepted, sure their parents were born elsewhere.. but these guys, these guys they were Americans not Italians. They were not dirty like people said they were. Ellis Island isn't the only place where name changes happened. They happened right here in Shame. They wanted to be like John Smith down the street who had the nice cloths and toys, and ate something other then Macaroni. This shame and the Denial continued onto generation two.

2nd generation We Are American= I'll admit here my experience with the second generation isn't as extensive as the first or third being i'm in that group. I have my father my uncle and their childhood friends and the few I have made contact with since planning for the reunion picnic. Many spoke of being proud, love embracing their Italian heritage, some attend "Italian festivals" , brag of their cooking skills and love of vino. Still.. Some aren't even aware of the town their family came from, know a word in their families tongue, and never knew the pain of being called a "wop" when it truly was meant to be negative. They are American they go to work every day, they pay their bills, and life just goes on.. this went into third generation

3rd generation find themselves asking.. who am i?= This would be me, In all that I have found in this group its like a lost sea of people trying to swim to the ship. Who am I? What does this mean? Where are the answers? Who knows? I'm trying to find the answers to all these questions and in doing this I have found other delighted 3rd gens and some I was able to give answers to (family trees)Obviously I can't completely fill this one because... well I'm still looking..