Lately my oldest child Raven and I have been butting heads. She is nine, and really starting to throw attitude towards me, I can sense pre- teen coming. My husband doesn't see this but I think its daddy's girl syndrome. I rarely talk about this in life and I never type about this on the internet, but this has consumed me lately. My anger isn't directed at Raven , its about something I feel I can't control. It is a fear. A fear of not being able to help my child. And, I have a lot of anger towards myself and the world. Raven appears normal. Very pretty, I am always told she is the sweetest child by her teachers and those who only meet her briefly. Now she is getting older and she is more apparent of her differences with those around her, and emotionally she has began to express her feelings on this. Raven was born May 16th 1999 and it was a very difficult pregnancy. I had hypertension so much so my blood pressure was at the point where a stroke or seizure was sure to happen if I was not induced. Furthermore she had stopped moving the last few weeks of my pregnancy. The doctor pushed it off as her being squished in there so there was nowhere to move. This made sense to me. He was wrong. Raven was born with the cord wrapped around her neck and arm. 25% of births have a baby with a cord around their neck, usually a dr detects it and a c-section is formed. only 5% of the time is a cord wrapped around twice as it was with Raven. Almost always then is a C-section formed as death is common if vaginal is continued and cord is chocking the baby. Needless to say I pushed for almost two hours, forceps later, and a blue and white baby came out with a ripped placenta and cord. Raven suffered brain damage, but no one told me this then. Raven developed slow but no one said a word, as she was always just a few months behind it seemed. No big deal everyone said. It bothered me though. My friends babies were learning to talk , crawl, and walk and Raven was always months behind them. It wasn't until school started somebody said "hey, there is some serious developmental problems here, but we don't know what." She is nine years old and still no one can really tell me what is wrong with my child or really how to help her.She can read sometimes at first grade level, sometimes do math at second grade level. Ahh but emotionally she is still many ways like a 4-5 year old. Last year at school to ease her tormenting they FINALLY put her in special education classes. I feel defeated, and I feel unarmed with the tools she needs me to have to help her succeed in life. I'm going to approach the pullman school district this fall and ask them if we could start a group for the parents and kids in Special Ed. Raven struggles so much socially. And, this is the part I struggle with her the most. accepting that she has a "unseen disability". It isn't like downs- syndrome. She appears normal, but she is not and I have such a hard time as does society seeing this. Perhaps if all of us parents in the special ed classes got together we could all discuss the struggles the strengths. I need people to identify with just as much Raven does. Both of our anger over the disability is coming to a boil.
2 comments:
Hey it's billy from lj. I saw a link to this somewhere in your journal and this was the first thing I read. Damn, my heart goes out to you. My mom's best friend's (who is like a second mother to me, I look at her kids as being siblings) son was born with plageocephalus (i probably butchered that spelling). Basically the plates in his skull were fused at birth. Normally doctors notice that right away. Well that wasn't the case. It took over a year to get noticed. that whole time his brain didn't have the room to grow. they unfused everything, but a lot of damage had been done. seizure disorders, a stack of learning problems. you name it. It's so hard for everyone. With a ton of work he did end up learning to deal with a lot of his learning problems, to the point where he was mainstreamed for some classes. But some stuff he is just clueless about. I think of him as a little brother (who is about 8' taller than me and almost 100lbs heavier), and that's hard. It's hard on all of us. His parents are at their wits end with some of the shit he is pulling now. I'm often the only one he will listen to and that's becoming hit or miss it seems. Frustration with growing up with him (and the family dynamic that came with it, the extra maturity she needed to show while he gets to be a kid in a man's body, and a bunch of other shit) has led to his eldest sister really distancing herself from her whole family. And having a lot of pent up resentment.
But he did make a few great friends (who have been known to let me know when he is doing something stupid, sometimes overtly, sometimes covertly).
A parents group is a great idea, I really don't think that people understand unless they have a loved one with disabilities. I hope you can get one started. I'm sure that at least some of the other parents would love to have a chance to talk about There are some really good books on the subject to. I can't think of titles offhand, but i can try to find some out if you want.
i'm usually up at crazy hours and online if you want to talk/IM with someone who is a continent away.
Not to scare you, but I saw this and thought you might want to consider having her evaluated for a mild form of autism, such as asperger's syndrome.
Autism is a disorder that appears in early childhood, causing delays in many basic areas of development such as learning to talk and interact with others. The symptoms of autism vary widely, as does the impact of the disorder: some autistic children have only mild impairments, while others have more obstacles to overcome. But although the specific combination of symptoms and the severity of the disorder differ from person to person, kids with autism typically have problems in the following three areas:
* Social Skills — Impaired social interaction is the hallmark sign of autism. This may appear as an apparent lack of interest in other people and the surrounding environment. Children with autism often appear to be in their own little world. They have trouble engaging in back-and-forth play, sharing emotions, making friends, and understanding what others are thinking and feeling.
* Communication — Autism also involves problems with verbal and nonverbal communication. Spoken language is usually delayed in autistic children and may even be completely absent. Even when able to speak, children with autism usually have trouble conversing freely and easily. Other common symptoms involve odd or repetitive speech patterns, inappropriate facial expressions and gestures, and language comprehension difficulties.
* Repetitive behavior — Autistic children often exhibit repetitive or "stereotyped" behaviors and narrow, restricted interests. This may show up as an extreme resistance to change, obsessive attachments to unusual objects, or inflexible routines and schedules. Repetitive body movements, or self-stimulatory behaviors, such as hand flapping and rocking are also common.
There is some debate over how many people have autism and whether or not the disorder is becoming more prevalent. While more children are being diagnosed with autism than in the past, many experts believe that at least some of the increase can be explained by heightened public awareness of the disorder, as well as broader and more accurate diagnostic criteria that is catching milder cases.
On the other hand, the latest research indicates that—at the very least—autism is more common in the U.S. than previously thought. According to a February 2007 report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 1 in 150 children has autism.
Post a Comment