Lately my oldest child Raven and I have been butting heads. She is nine, and really starting to throw attitude towards me, I can sense pre- teen coming. My husband doesn't see this but I think its daddy's girl syndrome. I rarely talk about this in life and I never type about this on the internet, but this has consumed me lately. My anger isn't directed at Raven , its about something I feel I can't control. It is a fear. A fear of not being able to help my child. And, I have a lot of anger towards myself and the world. Raven appears normal. Very pretty, I am always told she is the sweetest child by her teachers and those who only meet her briefly. Now she is getting older and she is more apparent of her differences with those around her, and emotionally she has began to express her feelings on this. Raven was born May 16th 1999 and it was a very difficult pregnancy. I had hypertension so much so my blood pressure was at the point where a stroke or seizure was sure to happen if I was not induced. Furthermore she had stopped moving the last few weeks of my pregnancy. The doctor pushed it off as her being squished in there so there was nowhere to move. This made sense to me. He was wrong. Raven was born with the cord wrapped around her neck and arm. 25% of births have a baby with a cord around their neck, usually a dr detects it and a c-section is formed. only 5% of the time is a cord wrapped around twice as it was with Raven. Almost always then is a C-section formed as death is common if vaginal is continued and cord is chocking the baby. Needless to say I pushed for almost two hours, forceps later, and a blue and white baby came out with a ripped placenta and cord. Raven suffered brain damage, but no one told me this then. Raven developed slow but no one said a word, as she was always just a few months behind it seemed. No big deal everyone said. It bothered me though. My friends babies were learning to talk , crawl, and walk and Raven was always months behind them. It wasn't until school started somebody said "hey, there is some serious developmental problems here, but we don't know what." She is nine years old and still no one can really tell me what is wrong with my child or really how to help her.She can read sometimes at first grade level, sometimes do math at second grade level. Ahh but emotionally she is still many ways like a 4-5 year old. Last year at school to ease her tormenting they FINALLY put her in special education classes. I feel defeated, and I feel unarmed with the tools she needs me to have to help her succeed in life. I'm going to approach the pullman school district this fall and ask them if we could start a group for the parents and kids in Special Ed. Raven struggles so much socially. And, this is the part I struggle with her the most. accepting that she has a "unseen disability". It isn't like downs- syndrome. She appears normal, but she is not and I have such a hard time as does society seeing this. Perhaps if all of us parents in the special ed classes got together we could all discuss the struggles the strengths. I need people to identify with just as much Raven does. Both of our anger over the disability is coming to a boil.
